Saturday, September 11, 2010

A Waterproof Mascara Sort of Day

There are some days when a woman wakes up and just knows it's a day to choose the waterproof mascara from the make-up bag. For me, Today was one of those days. Today was a day that I suspected would be emotional. I knew that my every day mascara would not hold up against the tears I was sure to shed. I was not anticipating a bad day, quite the opposite. I awoke to the first "official" day of my new journey. I was attending my first area chapter, Sr. Kathy was returning, and I was celebrating my entrance into community through a prayer ritual put together by the formation team.

I am about as emotional as they come; I would be lying if I said I never cried at a Hallmark commercial. I assumed the experience of the ritual into entrance would bring on the waterworks, so I was taken off guard when I felt the tears welling up earlier in the day. The topic of conversation for my first area chapter was the sisters' retirement plan. Poor planning to have that be the first meeting a 27 year old candidate would attend. The statistics were scary to hear, and the topic in general was not one that I feel any urgency to discuss. As I sat there the reality of the age of the community I was hours away from officially entering into was hitting me. What was I doing?!

A few months ago, over dinner, Sr. Marijane shared a deep wisdom with me. Knowing these moments would arise within me she told me to always "remember the call." Through the scary moments, through the frustrations, through the trials, "remember the call." And so as I felt the welling of tears and the panic take over I took a deep breath, remembered Marijane's words and wrote this:

She sat listening,
A cry welled up inside.
"What the hell am I doing?"
And then God settled her heart,
and she heard the Wisdom come.
Remember the call.

Yes, remember the call. God would not have brought me to this place to leave me in the desert to die. This I know to be true because of my faith. Maybe I won't be able to predict exactly what my life will look like as the years unfold, but I do trust that if I say yes to God I will not be left out in the cold.

With this peace settling into my heart I was able to fully and faithfully move into the ritual prayer. I shared my desire to continue my discernment with the Sisters of Saint Francis of Philadelphia, and had an opportunity to share my reasons for choosing the scripture passage, Acts 2:42-47 to be read. If only the whole world would take to heart and truly understand what Luke writes about in this passage then the only reality possible would be one of peace. To me this reading exemplifies all the reasons I stand today to say yes. Community and Eucharist. This is what I most deeply desire.

I thank my local community, my area chapter, the formation team, and those very special sisters who have walked more intimately with me on this journey. I hope that each of you continues to guide and support me as I continue on this wild adventure of following God's call!

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