But I do believe we can give reason to everything!
I have spoken a few times now about my local community and the joy I have found with them. That doesn't mean our lives are utopian, but I really believe the Spirit has brought such amazing gifts into my life through these women.
Last night we went to see Jersey Boys in Philly, what a fantastic time together (this was our "Thanksgiving celebration".) Today we parted in separate directions to visit with family and friends over the holiday, but Sunday we shall all return home to each other.
I don't believe things "happen for a reason" but I do believe that I can find meaning in most things that occur in my life--like when someone in your life has a sudden health issue and you let your mind wonder too far down uncertain and unrealistic paths only to realize for the first time how deeply you love that person. Would I ever wish that health concern upon the person? NO! But am I grateful for the awareness of my feelings for that person? YES!
Meaning is something we seek out, it rarely falls out of the sky landing perfectly in our laps. It goes the same for my discernment. Answers won't just appear, I have to search for them, so as we sat ready to pay the check last night at dinner I thought about how this whole money thing works . . .
What is the budget of a sister and how many pairs of shoes can I buy with it?
My hair products alone bring me to about $20. If the budget I've heard from a number of sisters now is really the budget I'm going to be living than I can tell you now I'm going to need a heart defibrillator! Okay, okay, that's my inner drama queen showing herself. But if I'm really honest with myself, celibacy is cake next to poverty!
Tonight at dinner with my parents and brother-in-law we discussed this future money situation. While I totally recognize that the vow of "poverty" is nothing near living on the streets, I am sure that it's going to be the most challenging aspect of religious life for me. My father once counted my shoe collection, let's just say that number might have been over 40. My family and I soon began to discuss possible loop holes, at which point my mother said, "so are you going to be the first sister to lie about money?" Okay, point taken! Maybe I need to just relax . . .
Kathy pointed out that I will need to really figure out the difference between "want" and "need" but I'm telling you as sure as the day is long sometimes that really cute pair of shoes fall under the "need" category!!!
Oh, I'm doomed . . .
Oops, sorry, reigning in my inner drama queen!
I can do it, I know I can, I think I can . . . stay positive . . . I can!
I hope . . .
So, while I don't believe it all "happens for a reason" I can sit here tonight and share with you that meaning can be found, living this poverty thing is something I will have to intentionally seek out and practice--it won't just come easy to me! But in living it I will grow in my understanding of it, and I will hopefully bring to the world a deeper understanding of transformation through faith.
But in the mean time, Dear Jesus, help me see the goodness of poverty in Francis' eyes . . .